Do not claim,

June 30, 2009 at 6:24 pm | Posted in antihaiku, memoirs, sheer selfindulgence | 25 Comments
Tags: ,

Do not claim to be a musician
in other people’s eyes
nor insert rhyme nor reason
if you cannot improvise
the way the surf breaks now and then,
between ocean and sunrise.

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25 Comments »

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  1. that is a capital ‘I’ alright, maybe i better write some smaller ones down here,

  2. That is a very dramatic I. Quite right too.

  3. I have softened it now, Narnie, a few subtle changes and it becomes too much like an 80’s pop song, dilemma dilemma.

  4. I’m curious now. What in the world in an antihaiku?
    Hello again. An antihaiku is the opposite of a haiku. Instead of stillness and contemplation like a pond, it represents motion, change, like a wave. If you push the tag above the poem, where it says ‘antihaiku’, you can see other examples and more about it.

  5. agreed….

  6. reads nice, sounds nice, i like the rhyme,

  7. jesus, paul, you just breathe this shit, don’t you? goddamn!

  8. like a parable for creative aim, an awesome image of the horizon breaking surf, important, beautifully done en pointe

  9. Good afternoon Paul~ Love those last two lines. You’ve certainly got rhythm to spare. Well done. Have a great day.

  10. Fantastic. Love the quote too.

  11. You’re right, this one does have an outrageous mustache.

  12. Short, profound and sweet. Jason is right, you BREATHE it!

  13. Elegant… pulls me in like the tide.

  14. Flows beautifully, Paul, like inspired improvisation. 🙂

  15. LOVE THIS. You managed to say so much with so little. You packed a punch with this one and it’s powerful.

  16. angry and powerful stuff :)!

  17. this short poem packs a punch indeed! Lyrical.

  18. Last thing I would ever claim to be is a musician. My kids won’t even let me sing.

  19. I have to rethink my whole idea about music. No, not just music, but drawing, art. Can I improvise? I wish I could watch the tide and think about it some more. Will just have to imagine it. Beautiful poem, Paul.

  20. Paul, this is really very amazing. Please submit it to something.

  21. yeah, this one “I” is tricky…And quite like an 80’s pop song has a very commercial appearance (read superficial), but it is not commercial that way. I like the pop poetry….

  22. simple, well-proportioned, taut as a drum head.

  23. I find the ocean speaks in rhythm much like this, especially early in the morning… I might be taking this a little bit more reflective than you intended, but for me, I picture a man walking on the beach, guitar on his back, sleepy-eyed, worn from giving himself the night before… but to whom?

  24. *sigh*

    Paul this is lovely (I feel I use that adjective here too often, but it’s just so true). Your words are a vehicle to that ‘place between’.

  25. Your words don’t hesitate. You don’t hold back. I love it.


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