classic message in a bottle cliche

March 5, 2009 at 6:24 pm | Posted in australian poetry, poetry, writing | 8 Comments
Tags: poetry, writing, writing for fun

The intricate complexity of water
music which baffles such a simple creature
overlapping layers trills of silver darts above
the shallow bass of yellow sand
with waves of shovel nose rays
suspended in the mid range.

Time is graceful
and smooth

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Delicious!
Thanks, Brad. Do you think it should be ‘base’ or ‘bass’. If it’s ‘bass’ like music people might mispronounce it as ‘bass’ like the type of fish. Hmm, I’ve changed it to ‘bass’ now so there is fishyfish in in the middle three lines even though it should be pronounced base.

Comment by Brad— March 5, 2009 #
This is just proof positive of how much I love a good cliché, appropriately placed and beautifully exchanged.
Thankyou, Narnie.

Comment by Narnie— March 6, 2009 #
oh delicious is so the right word for this indeed! And it has a lot of bass in it, just the way I like it! 🙂
Cool thanks, Sumedh. Your portrait series is splendiferous.

Comment by Sumedh Prasad— March 6, 2009 #
this is beautiful, it reminds me of the water crystal photos of Masaru Emoto in which he shows how the structure is effected by the atmosphere around the water
http://www.life-enthusiast.com/twilight/research_emoto.htm
Those are beautiful, Tipota.

Comment by tipota— March 6, 2009 #
I think the possibility of more fish is music to my ears and so I vote for ‘bass’. I also appreciated the erosive properties of ‘smooths’. I guess the ‘s’ was taken by the tide, eh?
Cool, thanks Brad. I think you’re right. The ‘s’, yes got washed away, perhaps I’ll scratch in the sand again later,

Comment by Brad— March 6, 2009 #
“Graceful and smooth” aptly describes this little gem of a poem!

Comment by Thomma Lyn— March 8, 2009 #
I can see this. I can hear it too. The water is clear.

Comment by Selma— March 9, 2009 #
Graceful and smooth, just for a timeless moment.

Comment by Drodbar— March 10, 2009 #