Making love in the dark,
October 16, 2008 at 6:59 pm | Posted in poetry, writing | 20 CommentsTags: love, love poetry, poetry, writing
red tulips in a vase
I dreamed we were holding hands
listening to a brass band in the park
I dreamed the scent of tulips in a vase
(sight is not vision)
and your laugh
Woke with a taste most particular and a
delicate tremor in the heart.
I dreamed the most discrete caress
pleats in a long forgot yellow dress
and your laugh,
red tulips around a pagoda
a latticework utmost ornate
containing a brass band in the park
red tulips in a vase
(making love in the dark)
and your laugh.
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oh, so colourfully surreal, the yellow dress and the red tulips; intoxicating.
Thanks Sumedh, the garden is looking spectacular.
Comment by Sumedh— October 16, 2008 #
Perfectly crafted and the result is a wash of a romantic memory. A wonderful dreamlike evocation in the same way that a dream doesn’t have an image but attaches the impression. I bet your dreams are peachy. 🙂
Thanks Mary. I have this long complicated theory about dreams and images…
Comment by Mary— October 16, 2008 #
erotic and sensual, lovely and haunting
brings to mind Picasso’s painting of his mistress sleeping
dreams can be like that–leaving a discrete impression, specific details which convince of its veracity
Thanks, Ms Alley,
Comment by artpredator— October 17, 2008 #
i am so curious about yellowdress. do you remember: Inana, you have the power to destroy that which can not be destroyed, and to set up that which can not be set up, said Enki.
in the shadows, honeylike movements within glass
i have a longing for mamu and those sounds again and a fear of the glimmering orb and the reflections. all those friends feel so far away and what we had was a true magic. You and she have carried on, coursing through chasms and falling, tumbling into deeper more real and sparkling versions of yourselves. I long for that drive, the flood-swell and the tumblenotes and yet
well, you write and you cast your nets and i squirm in the air~hauled catch and flicker back to the sea as the land.fear grips me and this sililoquay came unexpectedly and im unsure of its use, but it’s here now.
paul. you are an artist
and so are you, Ebby. You are the most wonderful poet I have ever read, even this quick comment you have written is alive with an artist’s spirit and a poet’s intimacy with the language.
Comment by beeskiffle— October 17, 2008 #
“I dreamed the most discrete caress”…got my attention first.
Does the yellow dress have anything to do with Deborah Lake’s play? Since if it does, red tulips and yellow dress gain a different meaning.(and brass brand)…
I don’t know the play ay all, Annamari. I’ll have to look out for it.
Comment by Annamari— October 17, 2008 #
beautiful feels like some kind of word sculpture with unique placement a volume both inside and outdoors with music and primary color i can see clear as daylight and then inside darkened heartbeat place that feels the same while in picture contrast looks quite different
thankyou Tipota, your comments are simply amazingly wonderful gifts,
Comment by tipota— October 17, 2008 #
Wonderful poem dear. A pleasure to read.
Thank you.
You’re welcome and thankyou,
Comment by maelinat— October 17, 2008 #
Tulips are my favorite!
Yayayay,
Comment by Queen of the Universe— October 17, 2008 #
A beautifully written reflection of the nature of dreams and sensations.
Thanks, Brad.
Comment by Brad— October 17, 2008 #
Well controlled. Thought links are credible – it works really well. Enjoyed the images.
Not sure about the bracketed fifth line – breaking from image into concepts. I accept you need a bracketed line to match the near mirror image at the bottom but maybe go for something as sensual as the rest of the piece?
Really liked it.
Thankyou. I’ll certainly take your feedback into consideration. It’s rare for someone to offer suggestions and it certainly helps me to understand the effect certain technical devices have, so a double thankyou.
Comment by Mistlethrush— October 17, 2008 #
and slowly we will undress
and will go beyond caress…
Comment by Den Relojo— October 18, 2008 #
“Red Tulips and yellow dress, around a pagoda and listening to brass brand” and within this loudness, there is the softness of “discrete caress, her laugh, ornate lattic work and making love in the dark”. I like the way of balance within this dream of yours.. tempering everything just so.
Comment by mysoul— October 18, 2008 #
I think angels work harder at night, in the dark…You see, some of them stitched the dress for her and some other picked those tulips, and all presented you this music flavored dream…and they did not forget to blow an amazing fragrance into it:)
Comment by hayat— October 18, 2008 #
very nice.
Comment by harmonie22— October 18, 2008 #
hi! missed you. i love the repetition and the circling and the way you still managed to say so much. my favorite part is the line “sight is not vision.”
Comment by lissa— October 19, 2008 #
I can swim in this feel. I like the continuing saga of the yellow dress. I can hardly wait until it meets the red balloon — coming soon to a theater within you. Thanks, Paul.
Comment by Wayne— October 19, 2008 #
i was sure i’d commented here, Paul but i guess i must have been dreaming *grin …
the passionate sincerity of this is so genteel, exquisite. no, sight is not vision … weird, if they’re right about sight being largely memory then this almost places them antithetically … one with limits, t’other free … and the poem energises both
the alliance of those bracketed lines is integrally sensual …
Comment by Shell— October 20, 2008 #
yeah, like the rep in this like everything
if i was to change anything:
“Woke with a taste most particular ”
would be particular–
needs to appeal more to the senses or something–just seemed a flat word– but excellent poem–imo
🙂
Comment by Scot— October 22, 2008 #
So many wonderful comments, thankyou. I wish I still had time to answer them all individually but they do warm the cockles of my heart (whatever they may be). Thankyou.
Comment by Paul— October 22, 2008 #
Hearkens back to the yellow dress..I like the continuation.
Comment by nectarfizz— October 24, 2008 #