windscreen wipers

May 1, 2008 at 6:50 pm | Posted in poetry, writing | 7 Comments
Tags: , ,

right hand passes over left driver at the lights
Three Card remembers he has forgotten his gun
he wonders how long before Saudade speaks again

red rose blooms and she retires easing off the tie

never mind no matter he thinks
soon she will be all thats left
hand passes over right

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7 Comments »

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  1. Amazing construction here, to read it outloud, great rhythm, just like the wipers, how clever that, and the red rose image in the centre of it, powerful.

  2. very cryptic, just the way you like it

  3. Bits and pieces…like a novella

  4. It is something only just there, perhaps seen through a wet windscreen or the blurring of distracted thought. I was trying to capture actual thought with emotion rather than this drawn out sentence like thing which is not really what happens in the mind. If I am staring out a window not particularly thinking about anything and a thought about something drifts into my mind it is just an impression rather than a sentence, so I guess these pieces are like instumental music, deliberately vague, half formed impressions, closer i think, to actual mind events than this comment for instance, and this one blurs in and blurs out like windscreen wipers clearing the focus and then wiping it away again. Because there are three big poetry competitions coming up and they have to have completely never appeared anywhere before poems, I thought I would put these experiments in here instead, now I think that these could well form the basis of one of the new poems, we’ll see,

  5. See that comment could almost be a post.

  6. i like your experimental poem, and your thought-provoking comment. the poem has a wonderful flow to it. makes me want to try something daring.

  7. wonderful. very clever. love the motion and feel of this.


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