metaphorically juvenilia,

April 5, 2008 at 8:29 pm | Posted in poetry, writing | 14 Comments
Tags: almost a classical satirical sonnet with halfrhyme, poetry, writing

he claims to love you, very well, it is some comfort
that there are still good men, men who are still,
i do not know all of you and never will,
there will always be something inside of you not mine,

you might have it a delicate garden then
i shall be the storm which scatters petals which
destroys the geometry of ancient garden mazes made
from genteel English manners and the whitest of wines

into a riot of pass-who-will since we shoulder
arms pitchforks and burning effigies,
he is dead madame and his library burned,
no more parasols and smiles

nor Venetian waltzs in fancy dress
until you fulfill that promise you made,
the poets all fled long ago stifling obscenities,

very well, she says with a sigh
and looking at her watch,
i suppose so,

14 Comments »

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ah, this makes me smile muchly, very funny, very clever, very wilde……..though would she really be looking at her watch?
I like to make you smile Jo, very Wilde, I have been reading P. G. Wodehouse, now there was a man with a great eye who wrote successfully for a long time for an intelliegent audience, but he is a lot funnier than I can hope to be,

Comment by johemmant— April 5, 2008 #
i likey this – feels like the first spring rain that makes you dance outside before the rainbow is unveiled and leaves you breathless and giggling.
~mmuuwahhhhh~
May I have this dance?
You can have nearly every dance, Lakota, especially when breathless and giggling, that is a beautiful image compliment and I have decided to take everything at face value,

Comment by Lakota— April 5, 2008 #
very nice. i never stifle obscenities when i leave. i let them fly lol drinking bourbon at 8 a.m. before breakfast, before coffee even, lol in my scruffy beard and scratchy voice i came by to say hello friend and wish you the best of life, may god bless you richly today. drop by my page and visit anytime! Franklin, thankyou for the blessing, you have, for a long long time been one of my favourite people/writer/character/humans, friends beyond words, thankyou, Sir, for the whiskified blessing,

Comment by Fabian G. Franklin— April 5, 2008 #
“the poets all fled long ago stifling obscenities”

One of my favourite pieces by you, and the ending just perfect. I suppose so, 😀
Cool, you too Sumedh, are a friend I feel beyond an icon/avatar, how many times have you heard them concede in that way, it preserves their sense of being still in control, you see, allowing you their tender touch, conceding it to you rather than admit their skin is electric and waiting,

Comment by Sumedh— April 5, 2008 #
Such detachment… this makes me think back on a similar experience. Now, thirty-five years later, I’m learning to smile about it. Very nice, Paul…
I like the fact Bob that you are a man and a writer and older than me. Whack one right down the middle, 340 yards with the wind at your back whoosh hits, trickles up on to the sloping green and rolls rolls rooooollllls and stops 3 inches from the cup, what a shot Bob! woohoo, metaphor you gotta love it,

Comment by Bob— April 5, 2008 #
seems to me women are always looking at their watches and saying i suppose so whenever i’m attempting to justify some fatal flaw of mine…then they get on their multimedia mobile phones and begin searching for the latest post on gingatao! because they always recognises its aesthetic value and sheer neatoness…

can’t say i blame her…

dig this, tho…
Chico, you are way too cool, something in me thinks, i am just gonna take all compliments at face value, but that sombrero and your ability to write cool characters in your stories, well it makes your compliments extra special, thankyou, i was bluffing, i have a pair of eights,

Comment by Chico Mahalo— April 5, 2008 #
great one here–
way to end it–nice
Scot, how’s the poem a day thing going, i guess if you learn something from it it’s worthwhile, the poems are still real high quality, i like writing everyday, it helps me, i’m gonna keep reading them everyday and make sure they don’t just become quick flicks and repetition, okay? You are a very very good poet,

Comment by Scot— April 6, 2008 #
I find this a bit sad,,,,dreams of a lost youth…
Yes, there is a little of that in it, especially if you were feeling a little that way before, it might reinforce that feeling, especially in the Enigmatic,

Comment by enigma— April 6, 2008 #
I wanna do one of those one by one comments to settle my thinking,Yayay, that worked, but it’s a little time consuming but probably very good discipline and long term, time wise effective, so remember to do it if you have time, okay, no problem, anythingelse?yes, talking to yourself is a waste of time, go and do something productive,scratching his head, uh, okay,

Comment by Paul— April 6, 2008 #
Oh, oh, oh. Loved it 🙂
yes, yes yes, it is some ‘comfort that there are still-‘

Talking to yourself. it’s in good form. Einstein was known for it. ciao.
Harmonie, we are in harmony again, I see, Ciao, bella,

Comment by harmonie22— April 6, 2008 #
I feel there is a lot in this piece to absorb. I get an undercurrent of humour, but at the same time a sense of world-weariness. This is an intriguing little package!!

Comment by Tracey— April 7, 2008 #
Ooooh, I love the stormy energy.
Wonderful depth, tracing the lineage of disdain.

Comment by ozymandiaz— April 7, 2008 #
I love it. Everything you write is good, that is given, but I have been keeping tabs on your masterpieces and this is the third. What I love about your imagery is that at its best your images are not solitary things like the sun or a leaf, but a whole scene, condensed, like your “storm which scatters petals”.

Comment by Peter— April 8, 2008 #
~jumping up and down~
i LOVE the comment thingy!!!!!!

ummm – sorry. i got excited.

Comment by Lakota— April 8, 2008 #