The Audition.

February 21, 2008 at 6:04 pm | Posted in writing | 11 Comments
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So, before we can give you the job in which you have expressed such great interest, we need to hear in your own words just why you are applying for it. Travelling pianoman in the cocktail bar on the Queen Mary, well lets just say, the competition is strong.

Yeah, well, the three of them just up and left. It was okay for a while, we had the regulars, never spent much, the girls got bored and drifted off to Mamu’s, down the road. Mamu himself didn’t have anything to do with it, it was some corporate bullshit stole the name, but soon after he and Persephone retired to some tiny island near Port Douglas, so I guess the big fella made sure he got his in the end.

They left enough cash in the safe for me to keep it going for a while. I found a stash of pearls left behind a sofa as well. God knows how long they had been there. But you know, I just don’t understand numbers, as long as its more than I need right now that’s as big as I can count, with the inevitable result. Bootsy got Parliament back together with George and went on tour.

And I just thought, wow, cool ride, never really knew what the hell was going on, walked down to the wharf and I saw you advertising so I thought you might now here they went?

Well, we have several other applicants, with degrees and their own pianos. Perhaps you would prefer a job in security?

Well, security, heh? Yeah I reckon I could swing that, one door closes, as they say,

Yes, and we will be relying on you to keep it closed.

Later, I was pulling on the uniform and I thought, hang on, why on earth would anybody put in me charge of guarding anything? Oh well, who knows, not really my problem,


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  1. and Mamu is smiling, which is important. Rightly so. A cruise? I love cruises…

  2. I just love a man in uniform, hahaha

  3. and I prefer a man out of one Enigma…….(sorry).

    now here they went? Most instantaneous 🙂

    Very good, very entertaining, especially ‘as long as its more than I need right now that’s as big as I can count, with the inevitable result’.

  4. it wasn’t that I became bored,
    the sign,
    the dust
    and the overall
    lack of activity
    lead me to
    it was over



  5. good piece…no feelings one way or the other on the uniform! 🙂

  6. As long as you do your work..


  7. ever get the feeling something is coming down the pike? Or perhaps that you got left holding the bag?

  8. Well if I went for a job as a violinist i might expect to provide my own violin, but to provide your own piano seems a bit excessive… I enjoyed reading this

  9. I’ve decided that your blog is akin to browsing the shelves of a bookstore. Just able to capture tidbits of good stories by leafing through your favorite authors.

  10. (holding my Bic lighter aloft, swaying to and fro with my arms slopped over a paid escort’s shoulder)…

    “Dr. Funkenstein!” i yelp, knowing full well another of your concertos will soon be funked up and ready to tear the roof off the sucker…

    amen, g-money.

  11. It’s amazing what we can find behind the sofa. Those things can often lead us in strange new directions.

    Travelling pianoman to security guard…what a transition. But if anyone could imagine a situation where it would happen it would be you.

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