((((((((((((you)))))))))))))

September 16, 2007 at 8:19 am | Posted in writing | 9 Comments
Tags: love, poetry, writing

If I was as clever as my reviews suggest,
(never mind the flattery of fluttering eyelashes)
this would be the last thing you read before you
turned away and sought out a human with whom
to share a heartbeat.

A heartbeat is mere ‘lectrickery, of course,
and can be passed from chest to chest
if they are in close proximity
and can even be transmitted thru a smile
and flick you skip a beat which is
really just, flick, a beat slipped in

but then again if it were possible for you
to be embraced and embracing
I guess you would be, so I will hide
just one slip one heartbeat in here
and hope it reaches you
despite the loneliness of words
and the silence of this screen.

9 Comments »

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Beautiful and depressing……..though isn’t a mindbeat as important as a heartbeat?

Comment by Jo— September 16, 2007 #
I hope so. I didn’t mean to be depressing, I was hoping the mindbeat in the poem would be an adequate substitute for a heartbeat but if it depresses perhaps it isn’t.

Comment by gingatao!— September 16, 2007 #
Oh it is an adequate substitute which is why the ending is so uplifting. It’s the first verse that stuck a blue note — to me it suggests that writing is no substitute for living; I may be misreading you, of course (only just getting used to your elusive style)…….a thousand apologies if I am, there is nothing worse.

Back to the poem: I particularly like the way the heatbeat is brought to life with the flick skip slip.

There’s a mistake (is) in my first comment. Why on earth can we not edit them?

Hello!

(Strangely I can edit your comments so I fixed it for you. Writing is no substitute for living just a subset of aforesaid. Paul.)

Comment by Jo— September 16, 2007 #
And I’ve got to ask: how come the comments are there for this piece in some categories but not all? Very magical.

Comment by Jo— September 16, 2007 #
Nice poem…wonderful sentiments, profoundly expressed!

Comment by narziss— September 17, 2007 #
That is a lovely poem. I loved the bit about a heartbeat being transferred to another person.
How did you find my site btw?

Comment by ubermout— September 17, 2007 #
thankyou all. I really don’t remember how I found your site. I like to follow blogrolls, perhaps you are linked to here via some degrees of seperation? I liked your site and I put it on my blogroll but wordpress is till experiencing technical difficulties and it hasn’t appeared yet. Nevermind, hello,

Comment by gingatao!— September 17, 2007 #
And there was me thinking it was time slippage……….

Comment by Jo— September 17, 2007 #
Oh, just noticed the fix — thanks — and I agree re subset.

Comment by Jo— September 17, 2007 #