life is desire
May 27, 2010 at 6:30 pm | Posted in poetry, writing | 15 CommentsTags: poetry, writing
I don’t think
there are particular
unusual unique monsters
just that the depths of my mind
are closer to the surface
underocean rivers of contrasting warmths
mutually curled in constant motion
carrying sunken pirate craft
rising to the dawn
I don’t think
just name traces of
curlsound occasions
tiny snippets which fit
the thought stream
very lovely lunch sitting
in the sun where the
babble bubble breaks
on the shore of a quiet mind
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Simply coalescent!
Thankyou! It’s one of those where I wasn’t sure it was finished. Structurally complete and balanced but contentwise missing the evening, sort of hangs at the end. That might not be a bad thing though. I will ponderate.
Comment by Brad— May 27, 2010 #
That first verse has really embedded itself Paul. The imagery of monsters lurking below the depths of our minds is pure brilliance!
I was just thinking Graham, if the depths of my mind are closer to the surface than most, does that make me particularly shallow? Haha,
Comment by gnunn— May 27, 2010 #
immensely inspiring, moving poem. vast below watery surface towering vision emerges and everyone shall have lunch on the shore in the sun today.
thank you!
You’re welcome. Have a fantabulous day, Tipota.
Comment by tipota— May 27, 2010 #
Clever poem. There may not be real monsters, though I’ve seen some in the history books and on the news, but there is a dark side to every psyche. The last stanza is so lovely and peaceful. Here’s to ‘a babble bubble break(ing) on the shore of a quiet mind’
My dark side appears like cartoon charicatures, Gabrielle. I wish it was scarier and less Walt Disney. Nearly lunchtime, I shall sit in the square and watch the statues.
Comment by Gabrielle Bryden— May 28, 2010 #
I can hear the waves crashing in… So very zen. This puts me in a meditative space. Thanks.
You’re welcome.
Comment by Cocoyea— May 28, 2010 #
you weren’t sure it was finished, in that case
‘i don’t think’
is hilarious
Haha, it is the invisible third stanza unthunk nor written.
Comment by breathenoah— May 28, 2010 #
I love this poem. It flows and stimulates. It is not shallow at all, to be in touch with your depths. Beautiful language that evokes the same feelings as your imagery.
Thank you, Annie.
Comment by Annie— May 29, 2010 #
Oh, lovely. There is something very delicate about this surreal meditative poem, I’m not expressing myself very well but the craft is beautiful and lots of fun play with language, as all your poems.
‘surreal meditative’, sounds perfect. Thankyou, Harmonie.
Comment by harmonie22— May 29, 2010 #
life is desire I do think.
A threeming, ullulating, whirling wordpicture that starts with an easy understanding acceptance of a sensitive-loopy genius and ending with a tasty lunch,
You in six stanzas. Thoughtful-Yum.
(((((((((((((Ebby)))))))))))
Comment by Ebby— May 30, 2010 #
I very much enjoyed contemplating the words in this poem Paul.
The thing I’ve been finding particularly interesting is the way my mind inserts its own punctuation where none is present (or necessary) … I wonder what that means? Perhaps it comes down to the clever format of your poem which has me stopping and pausing (and reflecting) of its own accord??
I will dwell further … 🙂
I have a general rule that the less punctuation in a poem the better, Tracey. They are just codifications of thought pauses, so I’m glad the words did the work instead. Thanks for stopping by!
Comment by Tracey— May 30, 2010 #
this is a nice zen place that curls bangs and sways..cant help but to not think of the ocean and that shore… the opening is subtle simple and the landing..sitting in the sun…brings us to the sudden end…such as life is sometimes… good pirate stuff…
Ms Pie! Thankyou.
Comment by pieceofpie— May 31, 2010 #
It made me think that starting to think during moments like this is bound to unleash some ugly monsters which will rip through the delicate images in which you had wrapped this lunch on the shore of the ocean during a beautiful sunny day. Images reminding me of Asian paintings so delicately balanced on the thin sheet of paper , even the dragons suggested as oceanic currents curling beneath the surface. And as those painting the poem is in delicate balance too. But ” just that the depths of my mind/are closer to the surface” and there is an uneasy feeling, the tension…
Ok, I do think too much.
What a fantastic comment, thankyou Ana. And for sharing this through your reader (I think it was you, anyway) thankyou.
Comment by Ana— June 1, 2010 #
there’s a beautiful whimsy in that last stanza. makes me joyful. x
Another beautiful word ‘whimsy’. Thankyou!
Comment by wiresparrow— June 1, 2010 #
Strong imagery and even deeper levels of emotion underscoring it all. Clever and committed work Paul.
Comment by nectarfizz— June 6, 2010 #
there are particular monsters/ there are particular monsters I don’t think
this is hypnotic: to be or not to be: that there are or there are not or both
I was telling someone the solution to a problem by citing one of your poems.
They are not only poems, but social tools to cure social ills!
And to make well.
Comment by aletha— June 13, 2010 #